I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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