So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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