dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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