you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
