Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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