Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
