i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
