i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
