No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
