one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
