smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
