Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
