i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
