hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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