What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
