dude i'm inner monologue high
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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