could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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