so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
