It's Friday. Sex?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
