Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize