I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
