mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
