If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize