You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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