hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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