just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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