Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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