Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
