Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I need moral support for this bender
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
