my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
