Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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