Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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