My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
