Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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