yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize