i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
