every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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