oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i think my cat just said my name.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
