My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
