I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
