he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
