Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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