we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
