so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
