Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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