dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Couch. On fire.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
