everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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