You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
