Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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