fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
