ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
