I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
