there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
