I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
