I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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