im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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