She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
