Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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