I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
