Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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