he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
