can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
