Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
