New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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