dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
