shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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