my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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