Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
