Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
